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29th
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Crap. A pair of snowplows. And just when I was starting to enjoy driving the week's Audi RS5 tester in a blizzard.
Now, instead of smugly leading a pack of traffic while slush and ice pass beneath the foot-wide winter tires, I was doomed to spend God-knows-how-long going about 7 km/h in a mile-long train of salty impatience.
Crap, crap, crap.
Forced to sit back, relax and get peppered with winter road slop, I discovered a few different ways that an RS5 driver might enjoy their machine when the 450 horsepower, 8,500 revs and Quattro-derived traction would, mostly, go to waste until the plows pulled off for a coffee break.
Make people point at the spoiler: The RS5 has a rear-fin spoiler that self-deploys when you exceed about 120 km/h. There's also a button to make it pop up and down any time you like. Click it repeatedly, and you can make it wave at the passengers in the car behind you. Most will point with a concerned look on their face, wondering what the heck is going on. Some will wave back.
Play music with the paddle shifters: The RS5 has a 7-speed transmission that shifts in a blink, making the rich and meaty exhaust note change pitch up and down faster than Niki Minaj's auto-tune machine. Holding your speed steady, click away on the paddles a few times to get the revs twitching up and down, complete with blurping, gurgly noises in between. With enough practice, you can play a song from the RS5's tailpipes for your fellow motorists.
Have a tiff with the Voice Command lady: Press the button and ask the voice that responds for something absurd, like a cheeseburger. When the pretty female voice advises you that she can't process your request, press the button again, and ask for driving directions to New Zealand. Continue asking for unreasonable things until the system ignores you. Toss in a few random insults for fun.
Rediscover your favourite music: The Audi RS5's Bang & Olufsen stereo system doesn't have 1.21 Jigawatts and a trunkful of subwoofers, but it is vibrant, clear and extremely crisp. You'll hear details in music you've never heard before -- especially if played back from a CD or DVD. And, chances are, you'll run out of eardrum before this stereo runs out of horsepower. Clapton, Rise Against, Mumford & Sons and All That Remains all sounded fantastic. Incidentally, Clapton is some damn fine music for driving in a snowstorm.
Learn a new language: Set the infotainment system to Spanish, German or Japanese in the settings menu. Then, try your hand at navigating through the various controls for the stereo, Bluetooth, navigation system or Audi Drive Select configurator. Played with enough, one can learn how handy words like “Satellite Radio,” “Destination,” “Phone Directory” and “Streaming Audio” look in an unfamiliar language.
Now, instead of smugly leading a pack of traffic while slush and ice pass beneath the foot-wide winter tires, I was doomed to spend God-knows-how-long going about 7 km/h in a mile-long train of salty impatience.
Crap, crap, crap.
Forced to sit back, relax and get peppered with winter road slop, I discovered a few different ways that an RS5 driver might enjoy their machine when the 450 horsepower, 8,500 revs and Quattro-derived traction would, mostly, go to waste until the plows pulled off for a coffee break.
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| Photo: Justin Pritchard |
Make people point at the spoiler: The RS5 has a rear-fin spoiler that self-deploys when you exceed about 120 km/h. There's also a button to make it pop up and down any time you like. Click it repeatedly, and you can make it wave at the passengers in the car behind you. Most will point with a concerned look on their face, wondering what the heck is going on. Some will wave back.
Play music with the paddle shifters: The RS5 has a 7-speed transmission that shifts in a blink, making the rich and meaty exhaust note change pitch up and down faster than Niki Minaj's auto-tune machine. Holding your speed steady, click away on the paddles a few times to get the revs twitching up and down, complete with blurping, gurgly noises in between. With enough practice, you can play a song from the RS5's tailpipes for your fellow motorists.
Have a tiff with the Voice Command lady: Press the button and ask the voice that responds for something absurd, like a cheeseburger. When the pretty female voice advises you that she can't process your request, press the button again, and ask for driving directions to New Zealand. Continue asking for unreasonable things until the system ignores you. Toss in a few random insults for fun.
Rediscover your favourite music: The Audi RS5's Bang & Olufsen stereo system doesn't have 1.21 Jigawatts and a trunkful of subwoofers, but it is vibrant, clear and extremely crisp. You'll hear details in music you've never heard before -- especially if played back from a CD or DVD. And, chances are, you'll run out of eardrum before this stereo runs out of horsepower. Clapton, Rise Against, Mumford & Sons and All That Remains all sounded fantastic. Incidentally, Clapton is some damn fine music for driving in a snowstorm.
Learn a new language: Set the infotainment system to Spanish, German or Japanese in the settings menu. Then, try your hand at navigating through the various controls for the stereo, Bluetooth, navigation system or Audi Drive Select configurator. Played with enough, one can learn how handy words like “Satellite Radio,” “Destination,” “Phone Directory” and “Streaming Audio” look in an unfamiliar language.